Sake's Magic
by ZeroIXResoleon
Summary: Noel runs into trouble with a drunken Ragna... One Shot Fanfiction. Warning: Alcohol use, extremely foul language and sexual talk involved.


Hello, Peking Duck and Sake, it's Resoleon bringing you my first Ragna and Noel Fanfiction since my _Whirlpool of Emotions_ Fanfiction.

I think this Fanfiction was the closest I've ever come to making it M rated.

I'm warning you right now that this Fanfiction is kind of...sick. You have been warned.

I changed my mind about Rebel Five of _Virtue and Vice_. THIS has got to be my worst one yet.

* * *

**Ragna X Noel Story: Sake's Magic**

Ragna's vision is a bit blurred. Not only that, he feels like he can take on anything. Ragna was a bit scared but at the same time, he felt invincible. He recognized where he was right away. He was in the Orient Town restaurant. Ragna couldn't see everything clearly but he could tell what was going on. People were sharing many drinks, people were dancing and people were mingling with each other. He saw that there was a stage with a microphone in the center. Nobody seemed to be onstage and right away, he got an insidious idea. Ragna snickered a bit and then crept his way onstage. He clears his throat and presses a single finger on the microphone. Everyone looks at him onstage and for some reason, music starts playing. Ragna began his speech to the crowd.

Ragna spoke a bit slurred and melodramatic. "You know...I gotta say, man...I got all of you looking at me right now...and I love it. I love it so much right now because...it means that all of you give damn about me and right now, I absolutely appreciate it. And some of you are maybe saying right now that I'm not a celebrity so I don't really appreciate it...but I do...and all of you are like more than me right now. You got to appreciate the people who take the time out of their busy schedule to pay attention to your ugly mug. So let me tell you right now, that I love all of you so, so much. If I meet any of you again, I will suck you off on the spot. I will make you wet in like negative two seconds. Thank you everybody and have a nice evening."

The crowd stands up and gives applause. Ragna smiles and gives a bow. He then leaves offstage. Someone got in his way, though. It was Noel Vermillion who looked a bit shy in front of him.

_"Damn it! You got to be shitting me! I know this guy but I can't place my finger on it!" _Ragna thought to himself.

"Um...hi...Ragna...that was an interesting-" Noel was interrupted.

"Move it, emo boy. You're in my way." Ragna shoves Noel out of his way and moves back to his empty table.

Noel turned red upon bewilderment. "Bo-Boy? E-Emo? What?"

Noel stomps over to where Ragna was. She points a single gun at him.

"What is it? Are you trying to fool me with those toys?" Ragna said with overconfidence.

Noel shoots up to show that they weren't fake. This startles the whole crowd and has them staring in their direction.

Ragna didn't seem fazed at all by this. "Damn, boy...why do you sound like a girl?"

"That's because I AM a girl!" Noel said assertively.

"Oh really?"

Ragna took some time to observe Noel. She had everything a girl should have. The clothes, the curves, the hair, the slenderness...even the breasts.

Ragna laughed. "Okay, you're a girl."

"Now, please apologize to me!" Noel demanded with a flusterd face.

"Okay, fine. I'm sorry that you're a stupid bimbo to even be standing in front of me with flatness written all over you!" Ragna rebutted.

That wasn't the apology Noel was looking for, was it? "E-Excuse me?" Noel's Bolverk somehow disappeared.

Ragna was somehow angry that the guns were gone. "You hoe! You don't go around wielding magic guns like a freaking nerd while going commando!"

The crowd gave an "ooh" effect.

Noel flushed red again. "C-Commando? Excuse me? What on Earth are you even talking about? I've never seen you this vulgar when you talk to me!"

Ragna lets out a quick laugh. "Hey Noel, do you like sucking on rods?"

Noel's eyes started to hold tears.

Ragna laughed again. "Hey everyone, Noelle likes balls in her mouth! She likes getting the old in out, in out! She takes it good in the ass, don't you?"

The crowd laughs at Noel as she falls to the ground in tears.

"Who the hell are you? You're not...who I used to know..." Noel said as she cried.

"Excuse me? I believe the question of the night is who...are...YOU?" Ragna points a finger at Noel as he stood up. "WE'RE IN A BAR, BITCH! There's no time to ask some stupid questions! I'm going to leave before I catch whatever you have that makes you retarded, you cheap-ass hoe!"

Ragna gets up and moves away from Noel and hangs out at the bar servery. Noel stared with a mix of anger and sadness as he walked away. Beside Ragna was a was a squirrel named Makoto Nanaya. He whistles for her attention and she turns with an avid smile.

Makoto initiated conversation. "So...have you ever done something like that before, Mr. Reaper?"

Ragna gave a seductive smile. "Hell, yes. It's been a while since I said a ballsy move like that."

* * *

As the conversation when along, the subject somehow went to each other's respective marital status. Ragna felt so groggy right now that he could barely keep his eyes open. Makoto wasn't looking too good either. She had a few drinks and she was cognitively scrambled.

"And that's why I don't have a girlfriend right now..." Ragna said with his speech slurred.

Makoto was speaking slurred, also. "Oh my God, I know right? Being single is so~ sucky!"

"It does suck, doesn't it? It's sucks...HARD! But you know what? I have a feeling that I might get one by the end tonight." Ragna hiccupped.

"Why? Because you hitting on me and you kept staring at my chest~?" Makoto asked seductively.

"No~. Because I'm...going to bang that Noel chick, even though she's a slim-ass no boobs slut..."

Makoto's eyes thinned. "You know what? I think you might be too late. Look at what's happening."

Ragna looked in the direction where Makoto was pointing. He sees that there was another guy was hitting on Noel. Ragna may have been drunk but he wasn't drunk enough not to get angry at this. He immediately got up and went over to the guy.

* * *

Where Noel and the guy was, Noel was in a defensive position in the corner seat while the guy was advancing on her.

"So, baby, where are you from?"

"Th-that's none of your business!" Noel moved back a bit on the seat while avoiding eye contact.

"Whatever, hoe, I'll bet your body's ugly, anyway."

Ragna was behind the guy. "Oh no...she...she's not ugly..."

The guy pretended not to notice Ragna. "Why don't you go back to the kitchen where you belong?"

Ragna tapped the guy on the shoulder. "Okay, man, that's enough, stop."

The guy whipped himself around and punched Ragna in the stomach. Ragna fell over backwards and was flat his back.

The guy pointed at Ragna. "Dude, shut the hell up. No one's talking to you."

The guy grabbed Noel's underdeveloped bosom and she squealed in response. "I'm going to take my hoe with me tonight and we're going to make balls-deep love tonight."

Ragna got up in defiance. "No, you won't! Let her go!"

The guy turned back to Ragna. "What's your f**king problem?"

Ragna pointed at the guy. "You're my problem, you asshat! You're a bastard for trying to rape my girl!"

Even amidst all the chaos, Noel blushed a little bit upon hearing Ragna call Noel "his girl". Meanwhile, she heard the guy scoff at the derogatory name Ragna called him.

"'Asshat'? That's probably the stupidest, weakest comeback I've ever heard."

Ragna grabbed the guy by the collar. The guy spit in Ragna's face in response. Ragna punched the guy in the face once and told him off. "Look, I think you got my girl confused with your bitch outside and I mean a real one. You need to go get a boner, cut it off, wrap it in tinfoil, cook it in the microwave for fifteen seconds and eat it with the tinfoil still on."

After saying all that, Ragna's free hand turned into the claw of the black beast and slashed once at the guy. He screamed in agony as Ragna then threw him out the door. Ragna put his hands up in a boastful matter and gave out a battle cry. Everyone stared at Ragna again.

"Yeah! What the f**k are you going do about that? You can do shit against hardcore muscle like mine! I mean, look at this shit!" Ragna pointed at the door, which was still open with the wounded guy still visible. "Why am I so good at fighting? Oh my God! Oh my God! Ha, ha, ha! That's called being godly right there! Most guys, when they see their girl being taken away, they'll be like 'Oh God! Gotta get her out of there!'. Me? I'll just be like, 'Dude, I'll just f**k you up. What are you going to do now, bitch?'"

Out of nowhere, Noel hits Ragna on the head with the handle part of her Bolverk. Ragna falls to the floor unconscious.

* * *

Eighteen hours later, Ragna woke up with his head feeling extremely heavy on him. He sat up and grabbed his head with both hands.

"Ugh...what happened...?"

He looks around to see that he was inside some sort of clinic but the surroundings became familiar with him so he knew that he was in the Orient Town Clinic that was ran by Litchi Faye Ling. Soon after, Litchi herself stepped into the room and smiled at Ragna.

"Hey doc...how did I end up in here?" Ragna asked while in some pain.

Litchi chuckled. "I see that you had too much sake to drink last night when the person who brought you here came in."

Ragna nodded. "Yeah...I was really pissed so I decided to have some drinks to myself. It turns out that I had a little bit too much. Oh God, my head...hurts like crazy..."

Litchi smiled once again. "It will go away if you keep resting and not drink anymore, Mr. Reaper."

"I actually really screwed myself over because I think I got into some fights and took a few to the face. And now, I'm just feeling the pain because you know, when you're drinking, your nerves have like delayed responses." Ragna grabs his head again. "Oh...God! I can't move so well...what is this shit? And who brought me over here, anyway?"

Litchi chuckled again, much to the annoyance of Ragna. "The person who brought you in said that you had too much to drink last night. The funny thing is that the person who brought you in seemed a little bit happy."

A single eyebrow rose from Ragna. "Happy? Are you sure YOU weren't drunk too, doc?"

Litchi grinned again. "I am being serious to you, Mr. Reaper. She said that you did a wonderful thing for her last night."

One of Ragna's eyebrows rose. "I did? I don't want to try to remember since my head hurts like a bitch."

Litchi looks out the window behind Ragna and her eyes shined a bit. "Oh, would you look at that? Perfect timing; she's coming in right now."

Ragna turns to look at the door. He quietly waits for who could possibly have saved him. The door opens and in comes a rather...jubilee Noel holding flowers and chocolates with a sunny look on her face. Ragna and Noel made eye contact with each other and Ragna knew that this couldn't be a good sign because of what was in Noel's possession.

Ragna went first to break the silence. "So...got flowers and candy for the good doc, eh? Haven't you heard that it's an apple a day that keeps the doctor away?"

Noel smiled at Ragna and quickly walked to him to give a peck on his cheek. After her lips parted from Ragna's cheek, his face went completely red and moved back on his cot that he was laid down on.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hell is all this?"

Litchi laughed a bit. "Oh, please don't try to play the fool, Mr. Reaper! Or should I say, Mr. Lovejoy?"

Ragna's face whipped around to face Litchi's. "Will you please just tell me what's going on? I honestly don't have a damn clue what's with this chick or whatever the hell's going on here for that matter!"

Litchi knelt down to Ragna's bedside. "Mr. Reaper, Noel told me that when she was about to be raped, you came in like a knight in shining armor and saved her! You even declared that she was your girlfriend! I don't see any reason why Noel should be with someone so adventurous and gutsy like you are! Congratulations! I hope you can find happiness together, soon!"

Ragna's eyes went the widest and slowly turned to Noel. Once they made eye contact again, Noel puts a hand on Ragna's cheek.

Noel smiled at Ragna. "Ragna, I'm so excited to have a relationship. I'm so glad that you were honest with how you were feeling and how you declared it in front of the whole restaurant. You were amazing."

"Now, now, now, hold on a second! I don't remember a damn thing about what I did last night! Are you sure you aren't just making shit up?"

Makoto barges in through the door and smiled at the pair. "Well, lookie here! I'm glad to see that you two are together! You guys are so~ cute! Hey Rags! Noel and I are going to make sure that you're the luckiest man alive because we're planning to have you two date and possibly even marry soon! After all, you deserve your special one since you went through so much shit in your life!"

"Huh?" Ragna was completely overcome with confusion and fear.

Noel puts her index finger vertically on Ragna's lips. "Don't worry, Ragna. I'll make sure that we take it slow and don't rush into things. I promise that I'll be the best wife a man could hope to have!"

Noel takes out two golden rings; wedding rings and holds them in front of Ragna. Ragna's pupils shrunk at the very sight of them.

He yelled toward the ceiling. "DAMN YOU, SAKE!"

* * *

Thanks for reading this...thing I've written.

If you enjoyed it, good for you. If you didn't, I don't blame you.

**Sake's Magic: End**


End file.
